Dummyhead

Raising a family bursting with boys has been many things but boring is not one of them.  The middle ranks of our blended family boast five boys in a four year age range.  As you can imagine there was never a dull moment. Wrestling matches, board games, sports teams and full out elastic wars were the call of the day.  But life wasn’t always “coming up roses”, that’s for sure.

For the most part, this band of brothers got along famously. As with all families, inevitably, disputes would crop up resulting in some pretty nasty name-calling.  Dummyhead, loser, and to be honest other much more flowery descriptors were shot around like well-aimed hockey pucks on a continual basis. 

To alleviate this constant barrage of name calling (and since simple appeals for kindness or silence were not heeded), we implemented a plan.  We called it the “Three Nice Things Rule”.

The premise was simple.  If you said something mean about someone, you must immediately follow up with three nice things.

Believe me when I tell you that nobody wants to do this.  Your brother, hot and frustrated, feeling justified in his anger and spewing names like sharp stones from a slingshot, is in no way inspired to speak life-giving words in the next breath.  Yet they had to.  It was terrific!

Listen sister, words are powerful!  They can build us up, encourage and inspire us or they can devastate, dismay and knock the wind out of our sails. 

Research shows it takes 5-7 positive comments just to balance out one negative one.  It’s no wonder our kids sometimes grow up insecure and discouraged.  And it’s not just children who need these kind words, I do and I bet you do too. 

Words spoken tend to stick with us for years to come. They can shape what we think about ourselves and even change our trajectory in life.  Often we recall a negative comment many years later. Likewise, words of encouragement can also change someone’s day, give them life and inspire them to carry on.

I will never forget a lazy spring day forty some odd years ago. Gravel crunched beneath my feet and the smell of country living filled the air as I sauntered down the long farm laneway to the mailbox with my dad. On that day, seemingly out of nowhere, my father told me he was proud of me.  It had nothing to do with academics, acquired height, or musical ability.  That much is for sure.  I guess I didn’t ask why.  I just basked in the thought.  That awkward fourteen-year-old girl, struggling to fit in, failing to measure up, searching for love and purpose, gripped those words like a life preserver thrown to a drowning swimmer.  My dad was proud of me.

There are moments even now that I close my eyes and return to that stone laneway and the shade of the big maple tree just to hear those words again.

These are the type of words that I long to give to my people, to my children, my husband and my friends, don’t you?  Let’s encourage each other at every opportunity.  Make a point of it today.
♥ Tess

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.  1 Thessalonians 5:11