Smarty Pants

If I had played my cards differently way back when, I could boast an impressive university education today.  But playing the “what-if” game is not helpful and submitting to this feeling of insecurity is never a good thing. More than once it has backfired in a very awkward way.

I work at a post-secondary institution where my colleagues are experts in their field and some of the most brilliant people you could ever meet.  I love my job and usually enjoy chatting with my workmates.  One morning my supervisor was droning on about politics or world history or something else that I’m not really interested in and my lack of engagement probably showed on my face.  He strolled back to his office with an air of superiority and I immediately felt a familiar sick feeling smouldering in my chest.

As emotions overtook my common sense, I had a deep burning desire to prove myself.  I desperately wanted him to recognize that I was not a loser.  But oh, I felt like a loser. Uneducated, inarticulate, unversed in current events and popular movies.  I just felt dumb.

So what did I do?  I followed after him and initiated a whole new discussion.  A do-over.  I don’t even remember the topic at this moment but I do recall debating in a relatively intelligent manner for several minutes in the school lobby as a hundred or so students filed past on their way to class.  Many noticed me there, obviously impressed somehow by my witty conversation.  They couldn’t possibly hear my words but almost every one smiled broadly at me as they shuffled past.

Once I made my final point, I returned to my office with a sense of accomplishment.  “See?”  I thought to myself, “You are OK.  You’ve got this.  You are smart and well-spoken.  You are impressive.  He is astounded by your great wisdom.”  I was on a bit of a roll by then.

A delivery had arrived while I was away from my desk, and as I glanced down at it, I spotted something not quite right out of the corner of my eye.  It was my pants.  Both pant pockets were pulled entirely inside out and had been drooping limply at my waist the entire morning. I flashed back to the grinning faces of all those students as they paraded past me in the lobby.  

My recent self-confidence hit the ground like a lead balloon.  As my face flushed various shades of red, my mind filled to the brim with thoughts about myself.  Not a single one of them was gentle or kind.  To be honest, most of them were ideas that are usually running in the background of my mind anyway, just waiting for their turn to be called to centre stage.  You’re dumb, you always look stupid, you will likely end up losing this job, and so the sad story goes.

What about you?  What is on the playlist running in your head these days?  I think most of us have a soundtrack of some sort playing on repeat in our minds.  And listen, sister, this is important:  I get to create my playlist.  You get to create yours.

You see, we are in monumental battle friends, and that battle takes place right between our ears. 

Sometimes we don’t even realize that the ideas circling in our head are full-blown lies.  We can be distracted by the busyness of life and never actually take a good inventory of our thoughts.  It’s an important exercise and one that I encourage you to do. II Corinthians 10 verse 5 tells us to take every thought captive.  Look at your thought, investigate it, and compare your thought to truth.  Whatever is not true, replace it with the truth.

A list of fresh new tracks in our brains will fill our thoughts with truth.  In Philippians 4 verse 8 Paul tells us this: “you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. (The Message)

You and I need to remember who we really are.  The truth is, God says we are valuable to Him.  We are his treasure and his delight!  I think sometimes we even make him smile.

♥ Tess