It started out like most mornings, according to schedule. Early morning alarm, mentally stroking things off my list as I got myself ready for work. And then one short phone call changed everything and people around here are still talking about it.
The call was a simple request from my sister. A missionary family visiting from Australia was set to arrive at her house that afternoon, but my niece woke up to full-on stomach flu. It was the kind you really don’t want to share a bathroom with, so their house was under quarantine.
Easy fix, I thought. I have oodles of room and they’re welcome to stay here. After a sigh of relief and a few logistics settled, I hung up the phone and set out to quickly tidy up, racing from room to room changing sheets and covertly stuffing laundry baskets of random articles into closets.
It was during this high speed “ten-second tidy”, that I hit something I call the Space-Time Continuum. Have you ever run into this? One moment you have loads of time and then the very next, you have scarce seconds before you need to walk out the door. I had no time to lose! I threw my hair in a pony and started to get dressed, but when I reached for my black pants I came up empty-handed. Immediately, a sense of panic filled my chest. I had just started a new job and had only one pair of work pants. Desperately searching my mind for clues, I suddenly remembered seeing them in the wash. I flew to the laundry room and grabbed the pants climbing stairs two steps at a time. I was so relieved.
I was relieved, that is, until I started putting them on. I managed to slide my legs partway in, but when I tried pulling them up I realized how much difference a few extra pounds could make. You see, my new job included a lot of sitting, and clearly my body was in full revolt.
I grabbed the belt loops securely and jumped (which seemed like a good idea at the time), successfully wedging my chubby thighs a little further down into the leg holes. Now, here is where experience comes in handy girls. Thanks to High School 1982 I knew that zipping these babies up would be more successful if I was in a horizontal position. I don’t recall that laying down had been so uncomfortable in my teenage years, but time was not a luxury I could afford. I sucked it in for all I was worth and stood up, straight-legged heading for the door.
The day that followed was like none other. After several unsuccessful attempts to mount my lofty stool in my super tight pants, I settled for backing up and leaning against it in an awkward teetering position to greet incoming customers.
I didn’t dare eat one bite of lunch in fear that another ounce might just blow my button clear off and possibly wound a co-worker. I was newly inspired to lose some pounds anyway.
As fate would have it, the new boss popped in for a surprise sales meeting in the boardroom. I took one look at the boardroom chairs and chose to stand. As awkward as that may have seemed for the others, I was both physically and emotionally uncomfortable, not to mention I had not peed all day. Oh, I wanted to pee, don’t get me wrong. But I could not bring myself (literally) to lay down on the teeny tiny bathroom floor to attempt round two of pant zipping.
I watched the clock in desperation, willing the hands to speed up. Five o’clock could not have come quickly enough, but finally it was quitting time. Racing home, I barely brought the car to a full stop as I rushed through the door to the bathroom. Sweet relief! Sitting down, I glanced at the label inside my pants. It read H&M. I don’t own pants from H&M. Only my 12-year-old son wears their clothes.
And so it dawned on me. I wore my son’s pants to work. I was both relieved and embarrassed. He still refuses to talk about it to this day.
Obviously I still talk about it occasionally because I believe it’s important to laugh at ourselves.
Laughter is fun and healthy. We’re told laughter strengthens our immune systems, diminishes pain, boosts our moods, and can protect us from the effects of stress on our bodies. By taking lots of opportunities to laugh we can improve our emotional health, strengthen relationships, and even add years to our lives. Years and years of funny, awkward stories. My son cannot wait.
♥ Tess
Proverbs 17:22 says “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
