What Kind of Friend Are You?

I’ve made many bad decisions in my life.  Maybe we all have.  But one particular season of destruction not only shattered my own family, but caused immense pain for many people for years to come.

I can barely stand to think back to that time.  Maybe because my mind wishes to block the pain and pretend it didn’t happen.  But I force myself to work through it, to prevent any such tragedy in the future for myself and perhaps for you.

As a woman, I tend to share secrets with the friend who I know will be on my side.  I gravitate toward the girl who I am absolutely sure will be in my corner for any given situation.

These days, I have a growing group of friends with all sorts of gifts and personalities.  This was not the case back then.  One by one, I had moved away from anyone who I knew didn’t approve of my choices.  I replaced true friends with some “good time” girls who would never challenge my decisions.  It was a black storm brewing, setting the stage for a terrible catastrophe.  And terrible it was.

All these years later, I struggle to write these words without sobbing.  God has been so very good to me. His forgiveness and the forgiveness of my family and friends are incredible gifts that I do not deserve.  I have learned that God is willing, able and pleased to redeem absolutely everything in anyone’s life (including mine and yours) and turn it around for his glory and my good!

Hopefully, you have not been a “storm causer” in your life. But, maybe you have.  I’m here to tell you that no matter what you have done, there is forgiveness in Christ.  He’s not surprised by any of it and He is waiting to hear from you, arms wide open.

To hopefully prevent further catastrophes, for myself and others, I want to share some guidelines I’ve learned about friendships.

1.  Seek out people who graciously speak truth into your life.  Find friends who aren’t afraid to take you to task if you are screwing up.  We all need friends who will tell us the truth, in loving kind ways, even if it’s hard.
2. When you find that close friend, that person you can trust, the girl that you just “click” with, tell her everything.  *Note, the whole church prayer chain does not need to hear everything.  The prayer request taker at small group does not need to hear everything.  But, your bff, she needs to hear everything.  Sometimes, we want to keep that last 2% hidden away.  We think that if she knew that sinful habit or thought, she might not love us the same way. But here’s the truth, sister.  When we keep that secret hidden inside, it’s like we give it more power.  Say it out loud.  Crush it.  Ask for prayer.  Ask for help.  Oh, how I wish I had done that all those years ago.
3. Be that true friend.  Be genuine.  Be real.  Speak truth into the lives of your friends.  You cannot sincerely love someone without giving them God’s truth.  And you can’t give them truth without wrapping it in love.  It’s a delicate balance, and one you’ll need to pray over continually.
4. Pray for each other.  Pray with each other.  Pray in person, pray on the phone, pray together in the car, pray walking down the road, pray sitting in the sunshine enjoying an ice tea.

In James 5:16  we’re told: Therefore, confess your sins to one another [your false steps, your offences], and pray for one another, that you may be healed and restored. The heartfelt and persistent prayer of a righteous man (believer) can accomplish much [when put into action and made effective by God—it is dynamic and can have tremendous power]. 

These are things that I’m still learning, usually the hard way.  Like most lessons in life, it takes time.  But when our heartfelt and persistent prayers are promised to have tremendous power, how can we lose?

♥  Tess